To Know the Past
by LuucJS
Summary: To have a happy future you should accept the past. And to accept the past you need to know it first. Regina and Robin have a lot of things to deal with in their relationship. Let's see how it goes. Based on season 5: Emma's not The Dark One anymore but Killian is still alive and Zelena's still locked up and pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! I am back with new story about our beloved couple Regina & Robin. I am planning about 5 chapter or so. We shall see. Hope you will like this first chapter and if you do, please leave a review.**

 **English is not my frist language so I am sorry for all the mistakes that may appear but I have tried to do my best.**

 **I do not own OUAT nor it's characters. I just like to play with them.**

* * *

They had a nice time together at the restaurant. All moments she spent just with Robin were precious to her no matter if they were truly alone or in a public place like this, in these moments life seem to be so simple, so normal and she loved it. She loved this dinner until almost the very end.

When they finished their food a man came to their table. The man who Regina had noticed was looking at her before. And she knew that look even she didn't know him. Well, he wasn't a complete stranger, he was from here, she remembered him being in Storybrook during the first curse but she didn't know his name and they'd never spoken together, not in here not in Enchanted Forest. But she knew the look in his eyes.

"You," he said, his voice sharp and cold. "How dare you just sit here like this? After all you've done. Maybe you've fooled people in this town, pretending to saving us but you'll never fool me. I know what you are doing, you've tried to become The Dark One yourself, have the power, have us all kneeling in front of you begging and then you would kill us like you've killed so many before. No, no, no, you won't fool me. Don't you have _any_ feelings?"

Oh, she had feelings, so many of them and right now it seemed her feelings were trying to squeeze her heart to ashes right in her chest and some of them clenched her throat.

"Excuse me?!" Robin interrupted the coming sentences when the surprise from the sudden appearance of this man left his mind. He was about to stand up and defend Regina but the hand on his forearm stopped him. Regina's hand.

She shook her head slightly, "Don't." she whispered, something strange in her eyes and Robin couldn't figure out what it was. Disappointment? Resentment? Pain? Confusion? Regret? Compassion? Amusement? Maybe all of it and maybe something entirely different.

Regina looked back at the man, her back straight, her voice calm and strong. "You have all rights to be upset about the situation in our town. Despite I don't think you'll believe me I assure you I have no intention in becoming The Dark One." She paused to inhale, "And I'm sorry for whatever I did what make you think I do have this intention. Now, if you don't mind, you are interrupting private dinner, so..." she made a meaningful pause, "Have a nice evening."

The man stared at her with eyes full of hatred for few seconds, then he spit out the words "You are disgusting." and left.

"Regina..." Robin started but she didn't let him say anything she just smiled and asked if they could go home. So they did, walking hand in hand but not talking.

...

"Thank you, Belle." said Regina when she and Robin came home. The young woman was babysitting Roland and Henry while their parents had their dinner out.

"Anytime. It was fun with the boys, they are both asleep now." Belle smiled at Regina but she went straight past her, right to the living room. "Is she all right?" Belle turned her attention to Robin and he shrugged, bit uncertainly. "Actually, I am not sure."

"Well, I leave you then." She touched his arm in a soothing way and gave him small encouraging smile. "Good night."

"Good night, Belle." he returned the smile, "And thank you." Robin closed the front door behind her and followed Regina to the living room where he saw her to pour herself a glass of her homemade apple cider.

"Do you want some?" she motioned the bottle towards him but Robin shook his head so she took her glass and sat on the sofa.

This wasn't the first time someone said nasty things about Regina but she always listened to them, answered politely but never defend herself, never let Robin say anything.

"Why do you never let me defend you?" He asked and sat next to her.

Regina took a sip of her apple cider and a little, sad smile flashed across her face. "Because I don't need defending, they are right. That man didn't say it but isn't that obvious, Robin?" she asked but didn't really wait for any answer. "He and everyone else before had lost someone precious to them, someone who they cared about, who they loved and they'd lost them _because of me_. I'd killed them."

"Regina that's..." He reached for her right hand that rested on the sofa between them but she drawed it away from him.

"True. That's what it is." she finished instead of him, stopping whatever he wanted to say. "And they have every right to hate me for that. I'm not gonna take that right from them because that is all I've left them years ago."

"Years ago, yes. Regina, you're not The Evil Queen anymore, you saved everyone in this town multiple times. You've changed."

"Yes, I did." she stared into the gold substance in her glass.

"You've redeemed yourself, you're not the same person anymore." Robin continued.

She couldn't stop the snort that left her lungs, she shook her head and took another sip from her glass. Redeemed herself, no, she didn't know if she could _ever_ redeem herself for all the pain, death and misery she'd caused. Most probably not but she was determined to try. Yes, she will try to outweigh with good at least some of the evil, as much as possible.

Regina looked deep in Robin's eyes, so loving eyes, and she cleared her throat. "I _am_ the same person, Robin. That's the problem here. In a matter of fact, it doesn't matter if I've changed or not. I've done things which cannot be undone."

Robin watched her and he couldn't figure out what was there for him to say. Now it was Regina's hand that found his own and the touch was somehow gentle and firm in the same time. They hold their hands in silence, Regina's thumb soothingly caressed the back of his hand. _Shouldn't that be me to sooth her?_ Robin thought and saw she wasn't looking at him anymore, her eyes were glued to their connected hands.

"I know it's hard for you," she said quietly, almost whispered, "You didn't know me then, what kind of person I was. That's why it's easier to think of The Evil Queen as of an other person than I am now, I understand. But it was _me._ " She let go of his hand, stood up and walked to the fireplace, maybe she hoped the heat of the flames could melt the freezing hand that slowly started to creep its way around her heart. This was hard, it was so hard. She took another sip from her glass.

"You can't love me now and hate the woman I was. That won't work." Her voice was quiet and calm, no emotions in it, nothing of what she was feeling even she felt so much.

Love. She loved Robin with her whole heart. Robin, Henry and Roland were the only people she would sacrifice anything for, even her own life. She loved him with every piece of her soul and she knew he loved her back.

Pain. Knowing how much he loved her was beautiful but it also hurt so damn much. The most painful realization was that he would sacrifice his life for her too and she wasn't worth it, she didn't deserve all of that love.

Guilt. She felt terrible because she was the reason why Robin suffered. She complicated his life so much, she brought undecidable choices to him and what was the worst, he almost died because of her. Sometimes she thought it would be better for him if he'd never met her.

Selfishness. She could never send him away. It may make his life easier but she was too weak, too selfish. She couldn't imagine losing him again. She needed him in a way she'd never needed anyone else before and without him, she would be as good as dead.

Fear. Yeah, fear most of all. She was afraid that one day he'll realise she isn't good enough for him that he'll find out something about her past that will break his heart and make him leave. That she'll loose him and will be left alone with broken heart of her own and a massive hole in her soul. She was so scared that the day will come.

She wasn't looking into the flames, no, her eyes were closed. She heard Robin stood up from the sofa and a second after that she felt his hand on her lower back going up between her shoulder blades and back down, caressing, soothing, loving. His arm was now wrapped around her waist while his other hand was on the way up to her face. Gentle touch that made her turn to him, her eyelids shuttered as she looked at him.

"It's not true that I hate the woman you were." Robin said and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I can't because I love you too much." he smiled. "I love you here and now but I love _all_ of you, Regina. I accept you, the good and the bad, everything you did in the past. It's okay."

He could see the unshed tears in her eyes. _Is it really okay?_ No, Regina knew it's not, Robin shouldn't be okay with that.

"You don't know..." she cleared her throat, "You don't know anything I've done."

"That is not exactly true," Robin shook his head, "I know some things, you've told me."

Yes, she did tell him. There were the nights of her nightmares, when she was tossing and turning, murmuring and crying from her sleep and Robin woke her up, hugged her, caressed her, whispered calming words into her ear. Sometimes she just lied there, drowning herself in the feeling of safety that Robin's closeness brought to her, sometimes she cried in his arms and sometimes she talked about the past that haunted her in her dreams.

She told him some stories about her mother, about Daniel's death and how Cora forced her into the wedding with the king, about the anger that she felt towards Snow, the endless war she brought her kingdom into and how she cast the curse. But except the fact she killed Marian he didn't know anything concrete about the terror she inflicted.

"I am aware there is much more, what I don't know yet and that's all right. Everything new I learn about you makes me love you more because I see how strong you are and how much you've been thru." he smiled at her and caressed her face again. "And I know there is nothing what can make me stop loving you, not in this life, not ever."

 _And nothing what can make you leave?_ She couldn't make herself to ask that question out loud. "You can't know it." She whispered instead, took his hand into hers and drawed it away from her face but didn't let go. Without really moving her feet she unconsciously got closer to his body as she breathed in the air filled with his scent.

Robin made the one step that was left between them and draw her into his embrace, caressing her back with his left hand while his right one was still holding hers. He brushed his nose against her temple and left there the slightest kiss when he realised what that was about.

"You're afraid." he whispered and pulled her even closer to him. "You're still afraid that I'll leave."

Regina looked at him, her eyes wet. "I..." she swallowed, "I believe you, I just can't help myself." She didn't want to hurt him with these feelings and Robin, fortunately, didn't look hurt but the smile on his lips were one of those sad ones.

"Is there something from your past what makes you feel this way? You can tell me anything and I'll listen." Robin brought her hand to his lips and gave it a little kiss before he added "And I will stay."

Regina was thinking. Was there something? No, she knew there were nothing concrete, it was just _everything_ but how she could tell him everything? She shook her head. "Nothing I can tell you is enough to understand."

Robin looked at her with little confusion but he was thinking and finally an idea came to his mind. "And what about you could show me?"

Regina frowned, didn't following what Robin meant.

"If you can't tell me, maybe you could show me some of your memories." he explained. "There must be some magic that can do that, maybe Emma's dream catchers?"

Regina nodded, yeah, they could use the dream catchers, but she was quite surprised that Robin came up with this idea. He saw the hesitation that went thru Regina's face.

"I don't need to see your memories" he said quickly, "but I thought it might help. It seems that nothing I say can assure you in this issue. I've really accepted your past," he caressed her cheek, "I don't need to see anything because I know nothing can make me leave or change my feelings towards you. But I'm willing to watch if that's what you want."

Regina was looking at him like it was the first time she ever saw him. Could she really show him? Show him everything? She wasn't sure she was brave enough to do that. She was afraid that he'll leave _in the future_ but it still meant she had at least present with him and this partial hope was all she had. But know for sure? Show him her memories right now and risk that he will leave in the following minute? Or... will he _really_ stay? That would be the most amazing feeling, have him next to her knowing all about her past and still loving her. But was it worth risking that partial hope? How could she decide?

She drank the rest of her apple cider and put the empty glass on the table. Robin noticed the shuddering of her hands.

"I..." she swallowed and took a deep breath to bring back at least some of her courage but whichever words she wanted to say, Robin stopped them with his own.

"You don't have to decide now," he took her hands in his again, "Just promise me, you'll think about it."

Regina was looking at him, yes, she can do that, she can think about it. "Okay." She nodded with a small smile on her lips.

"Okay." Robin echoed with a smile of his own and kissed her cheek. "It's late, can we go upstairs now?"

So they did, Robin went straight to the shower and Regina checked on the boys, they were both sleeping calmly. After Regina finished her shower too and slipped under the blankets, Robin lifted his arm, inviting her silently into his embrace. She put her head down on his shoulder, one of her arms stretched across his chest with her palm right above his heart and one of her feet sneaked between his calves. Robin held her close with one arm, and rested his other hand on the top of hers on his chest. That was the way how they fell asleep most of the nights.

 _Show him my past?_ Regina thought again and now in the darkness of the room, in the closeness of his body, in his warmth and the scent she would know anywhere, she thought she could do it. "I love you." She whispered and the words were so natural to her she couldn't stop the smile.

"And I love you." he answered. Listening his words was as natural to Regina as saying her own and she knew it, yes, she could show him anything, everything. And with that decision she felt asleep.

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 **Thank you for reading and ho** **pe you've like it. Please leave a review.**

 **I am working on next chapter so stay tuned.**

 **And be happy, the day is beautiful!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone!  
** **Hope you liked the first chapter because the second one is here. Enjoy!**

 **English is not my first language so I am sorry for all the mistakes that may appear but I have tried to do my best. :)  
** **I do not own OUAT nor it's characters. I just like to play with them.**

* * *

Regina knocked on the Charming's front door and waited until Emma opened.

"Hi, come in." Emma said and stepped aside to let Regina enter.

"Good morning. Why are you here? I thought you'll be in your house." she asked with raised eyebrows.

"I've just stopped by for some things. Is everything all right? Your message seemed to be urgent."

"Oh, did it? Sorry about that, everything's fine. I just wanted to ask if you could do me a favor." Regina looked around to see if they were alone.

"It's okay, no one's here." Emma confirmed and sat down on the chair. "What can I do for you?"

Regina joined her at the table. "Do you think you can make one more of those dream catchers? But a bit different this time."

"How different?" She asked not very sure what Regina was planning to do. "Whose memories do you want to take?"

"Mine." She answered simply and watched the blonde's eyebrows to go up. "But I don't want to take them in order to forget, I want to show them to someone."

Emma knew that the someone was Robin and she sent an encouraging smile in Regina's way.

"And there's one more thing what would be different." Regina looked at Emma bit nervous. "Is it possible to make the dream catcher to show not only the memories on its own but also with all the emotions?"

She still didn't know if Robin could love her the same after knowing her past but if she show him she wants him not only to see the memories like a dull, empty movie in distance, she wants him to know what she was feeling back then, she wants him to understand. She knew this is the only chance she had so if she does this, she does it properly.

Emma was thinking, being Dark One helped her embrace more also her light magic after she got rid of the darkness so now there were some aspects of magic which Emma was even better than Regina in and this was one of those.

"How many memories are we talking about? Approximately." Emma needed some more information if the dream catcher should work properly.

"All of them." Regina answered calmly.

" _All_ of them?" Emma's eyebrows went quickly up.

"All of the memories, all of the feelings." Regina nodded.

 _Well, that dream catcher will be huge._ Emma thought amused. Why she was even surprised, she had known for years that Regina was one of the people who wants everything or nothing. And it seemed this apply not only in taking but also in giving. Emma smiled and looked at Regina with a head tilted to one side.

"Could you do that for me?" Regina asked hoping.

"Well, yeah. I can manage to make dream catcher that will just copy your memories without taking them from you but with the emotions...I think it'll have to be you to cast the final spell to make it work that way."

"So is it possible?"

"Yeah, you can stop by at my place in the evening and we'll try." Emma suggested.

"Thank you, Emma." Regina stood up, heading to the front door.

"That's what friends are for." Emma followed her with a grin on her face. Regina didn't say anything but smiled. Friends, it was still weird for her but she knew they were.

"One more thing," Regina stopped herself and turned back to the blonde. "Could Henry spend this weekend with you?"

"Sure." Emma smiled.

* * *

"Excuse me." Regina said to gain attention of the man who was chopping wood next to the fireplace.

"If you are looking for Robin, he is not in the camp." The man said when he saw her.

"I know, actually I am looking for Little John. Do you know where he is?"

He looked at her with a slight surprise in his eyes. "Just wait here." He turned away but stopped himself and turned back to Regina. "Arthur Abland." he said and bowed his head just a little bit.

"Regina Mills." She answered and he disappeared between the tents.

A minute later Regina could see Little John walking towards her but Arthur Abland wasn't with him anymore.

"When Arthur told me someone was looking for me I wouldn't expect it's you, Your Maje...ehm, madam." Little John corrected himself and sent the smallest smile in her way.

"It's Regina." she said and reached her hand towards him watching his smile grow a bit.

"Little John." he accepted that gesture and shook their hands. "Did something happened with Robin?"

"No, everything's all right. I just wanted to ask if Roland could spend the weekend here with you. I know Robin trust you completely with him and..." Regina hesitate for a second but decided to tell him, "We have something to discuss so it would be better if we could do it alone."

Little John watched her face like he was looking for something in her expression and Regina couldn't tell if he found it or not when he finally nodded more to himself than to Regina. "Of course he can stay, we'll take care of him, don't worry."

"Thank you." Regina smiled at the man in front of her and was about to turn away and leave.

"Regina," he stopped her and motioned to the log in front of the fireplace and for some reason she accepted this silent invitation, followed him and sat down on the log next to him, keeping the decent distance between them.

"Robin loves you." John said turning his head to Regina who was looking into the flames.

"I know." She said simply and a sincere smile appeared on her face. Was she expected to say she loved him too? Well, she did love him but it was something only theirs, something private, so no, she didn't say it now.

"The Marry Men," John continued, "we are all family here and Robin is one of us."

 _So here it comes_ , Regina thought, _now he's gonna tell me what they'll do to me if I ever break Robin's heart_. But for her own surprise that wasn't the thing there.

"We all respect he chose you, so now you are part of this family too. Regina," he put a hand on her shoulder in a friendly gesture, "if you ever need something, you can always come to us, anyone of us."

She breathed out, didn't realizing she was holding her breath and looked at John's face. She didn't know what to say so she simply nodded. She didn't really know anyone of Robin's Marry Men but they had a bit of history in here.

"When Robin were gone..." she had to clear her throat, her voice harsh with the memory of those days, "you were around."

During the first days after Robin crossed the town line she wasn't really leaving her house and the only person who she let in was her son but anytime she looked out of the window, one of Robin's friends were nearby, checking if her lights were on, waiting for the movements of curtains, watching any signs of life behind those walls, making sure she was okay or, at least, alive.

Then she started going to her office again, always walking to clear her mind and there they were again. Firstly their constant presence irritated her but day after day she got used to it and realized that in some strange way she found it comforting. Sometimes they were just watching and waiting near her house, near her office or somewhere between but sometimes they walked along her, always keeping their distance. When their eyes met they nodded in greeting but never talked to her. They were taking turns but she noticed Little John were around more often than others.

"Robin asked us to keep an eye on you," he said, "but I would do that even if he didn't."

"I appreciate that." Regina admitted and looked around the tents. "Why have you stayed in here? You could all move into the empty flats near the docks."

"These guys are family and these tents are home. We've talked about moving but everyone wanted to stay here."

Regina could understand that but another thought found its way into her mind. "So don't you mind Robin left you and moved in with me?" She didn't know why she'd asked, the words just slipped right into her mouth.

"Look, we all owe Robin much. He is my best friend, I've known him for years and we saved each other's life many times. He's been thru a lot so I want him to be happy and believe me or not, I see he _is_ happy with you. And it's not like he crossed some cursed town line," John chuckled at his own joke, "we still see him a lot."

Regina smiled. "Thank you," she said and she meant it for everything he said to her today and everything he did in the days before. "I should go now."

"Sure." he stood up and as she turn away to leave, he added "It was nice to talk with you."

Regina looked back and smiled at him. _Yes, it was._ She disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke.

* * *

"Where have you been? I've started to be little worried." Robin said when she came home.

"Sorry, I had to talk with Emma and then I stopped at the camp." she said and took off her coat.

"The Mary Men's camp?" he asked and Regina just nodded. "Why did you go there?"

She came close to him and put her hand on his arm biting her lip. "Do you need to know _everything_?" she kissed his cheek and stepped away from him. "I talked with Little John."

Well, that was new, Robin wasn't aware that Regina had talked with his friends before and he was curious what they talked about but it didn't matter actually. Whatever it was, Robin was glad.

"And I also asked him if Roland can spend the weekend with them in the camp. Henry is staying at Emma's."

Robin's eyebrows went up as he closed the distance between them again, clutched Regina's hips, turned her back against the wall next to her and pinned her in the place with his body. "Hmm, do you have something _concrete_ in your mind?" He asked and Regina could see the tiniest little sparkles in his eyes.

She chuckled against his lips and lifted her hands to his shoulders as he kissed her.

"Yes, I do." She said when he left her mouth free and kissed him again, just the slightest touch of their lips this time. "I want to show you my memories."

Well, it wasn't exactly what Robin had in _his_ mind.

"Are you sure?" he asked and reached out to tuck a runaway strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah." She nodded and bite he lower lip. He couldn't resist and kissed her again.

"Okay." He said then and watched the smile reappeared on Regina's face.

"Pappa, pappa!" Roland's voice came from upstairs followed by the tramping on the stairs. The adults exchanged resigned looks, Regina shrugged and Robin let go of her.

"How many times did we told you not to run on the stairs, young man?" Robin asked with strict voice and Roland stop himself on the spot, looked from his father to Regina and back. "I am sorry." he murmured.

"You could hurt yourself and no one wants that, honey." Regina said and Roland nodded to express that he understood.

"So what happened, Roland?" Robin asked and watched his son's face light up with a smile again.

"Pappa, did you know that lizards can regrow their tail when they lose it?"

And a smile lighted up Robin's face too. "Yes, I did know that." He took his son up into his arms. "And do you know when they lose their tails?" Robin asked and the boy shook his head vigorously. "They do it when they find themselves in a danger and losing their tail make it easier to escape."

"Wow. That's very clever." Roland was amazed.

"Yes, it is." Robin confirmed with a nod.

"I like lizards. Do you Regina?" Roland turned his head to her and she laugh.

"Well, I am not a big fan of them but I agree with you that losing their tail in danger is very clever." She smiled. „Maybe you could watch the lizards in the forest tomorrow with Little John and the rest of your uncles if you find some." Regina said and she tousled his hair. "I talked with them today and they would love to spend the weekend with you."

"Really?" The boy seemed to be even more excited than before. "May I go, pappa?"

"Of course, I'll take you to the camp in the morning. But now what if we all get upstairs and you and Regina teach me how to play that game with the pawns you played yesterday, hm?"

"You mean Sorry." Roland said.

"What should I be sorry for?" Robin blinked with confusion in his face.

"Nooo." Roland laughed, "That's the name of the game."

"Oh." Robin looked at Regina and she smiled at him with a small nod. "Then sorry for my unfamiliarity and let's play Sorry." He put his son down on his feet.

Roland chuckled and ran towards the stairs but stopped himself obediently, waited until the two of the adults come to him, took Regina's hand into his and went up the stairs slowly with her.

* * *

"Morning." Henry said as he came into the kitchen.

"Good morning, honey." Regina smiled at him from the sink where she was washing dishes. "Won't you have proper breakfast?" she asked when he took an apple from the bowl on the kitchen counter.

"Nope," he bitten into his apple and murmured with his mouth full "I'll have something at Emma's." He swallowed and went to Regina to put a fast kiss on her cheek "I'm going now. Love ya."

"Love you too." she smiled at him, "Have a nice weekend, Henry."

"Yep. Bye, mom." he said and disappeared from the kitchen into the hall where Robin was helping Roland with his shoes.

"No, no, you cross these two and then pull like this. Good morning, Henry." Robin looked up from his son's feet to him and Roland's little hand shot up to wave at him. "Hallo, Henry."

"Hi," he smiled at the both of them, "what are you guys doing?"

"Well, I am trying to teach Roland how to tie his shoelaces..."

"But it's too hard to remember." Roland finished with shaking head and shrugged with an innocent face.

"Did you try the bunny?" Henry asked Robin.

"The bunny?" Confusion appeared on his face but Henry didn't explain anything, just nodded, put his partly eaten apple on the side table, kneeled in front of his little brother and showed him how to tie the shoelaces, saying the rhyming his mother had taught him years ago.

"Bunny ears, bunny ears, playing by a tree. Crisscrossed the tree, trying to catch me. Bunny ears, bunny ears, jumped into the hole, popped out the other side beautiful and bold...See?" Henry smiled at Roland and stood back up. "That's how it's done." He said to Robin and tapped his arm with a grin on his face.

"Thanx, Henry."

"That's okay. I better go now." he put his own shoes on and took his apple again. "Bye." he said to Robin and turned to Roland. "And you, practice the bunny ears." Henry reached his fist to him and the little boy pumped into it with his own and laughed. "I will."

Henry nodded, opened the door and shouted "See ya" to everyone before he closed behind him.

Regina swallowed, her throat dry. She was standing unnoticed in the entrance to the hall watching the whole scene. She realized that if Robin decide to leave now she won't be the only one to suffer. Could she be that selfish? Or is it more selfish to just wait for the happy future that may never come?

* * *

 **Thank you a lot for reading and I hope you liked this chapter, if you did please leave a review.**

 **In next chapter we will see some of Regina's memories finaly so stay tuned!**

 **Smile and have a lovely day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Thank you for reading.** **  
Next chapter is here and it is a long one so enjoy.**

 **English is not my first language so I am sorry for all the mistakes that may appear but I have tried to do my best.  
I do not own OUAT not its charakters. I just like to play with them. :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

Robin came back from the camp where he had left his son with his friends and he noticed that Regina was nervous. "We don't have to do this." he said, assuring her she can still change her mind.

"No. I've already decided." She shook her head. "Can we do it in my vault?"

"Wherever you want." He smiled, took her hand into his and she teleported them in a cloud of purple smoke to the rooms under the forest.

Regina reached for the dream catcher that was on the shelf in the corner of the room "This one is special." She said. It was about three times as big as the one Emma had used on that girl, Violet. "It allows you to see the memories but also to feel the emotions I felt." She handed it to him.

"I've decided I won't pick concrete memories for you to see." She looked at his face and back at the dream catcher that was now in his hands. "My whole life is in here and you can watch whatever you want. Everything." She brushed across the edges of the dream catcher until she met his hand, she caressed it and then let go.

She waved her hand and a wooden chest transformed itself into small soft sofa with a puffy pillows. She thought this trip to the past may take a while so why not make them comfortable? She motioned to the sofa, inviting Robin to sit down so he did but she didn't follow.

 _"Will you join me?_ " silent questioned expressed by Robin's hand on the empty space next to him and his eyes looking at her.

" _It'll be better if I stay here_." silent answer expressed by the slightest movement of Regina's head and the look on her face.

Robin frowned, she looked so worried about this, so uncertain. Could there be really something _that bad_ in her past what would change the fact he wanted to be with her? No, he knew there exists nothing like that. He just knew.

"It can be controlled by the person who holds it, all you need to do is to think what you want to see and it will appear." She was looking at him from across the room where she was standing with one hand rested on top of the wooden cabinet.

He looked at the dream catcher in his hands. What did he want to see? Well, nothing really. He looked back at Regina and there, in her eyes he could see how important all of this was for her despite it scared her. Robin had thought she show him few of her worst memories, he didn't expect she would be willing to share _everything_ withhim. She trusted him so much that it made his heart clutch.

Suddenly he knew that what he wanted to watch was a piece of every part of her life, the bad moments because that was why Regina did all of this but also the good moments. He smiled at her and there was everything in that smile. _I accept you. I'm so blessed that I can stand by your side. I love you and I will always love you no matter what._ Robin knew that Regina could see all of that in his smile. He looked down and the net of the dreamcatcher glowed with magic as the first memory appeared.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

Regina in the picture in front of him was just a little girl, she could be about four years old so this must have been one of her first memories ever.

 _She's standing with her arms on her hips when a man picks her up from the ground and tosses her over his shoulder._

 _"No, daddy put me down." little Regina is laughing._

Regina in real world was standing stiff awaiting which one of the horrible things will appear to Robin first. From the place where she stood she couldn't see anything but she could hear the voices and she recognized what memory this was. She looked at Robin and saw an unconscious little smile on his face _. So he started with the good one, okay._ She felt some strange warm feeling around her heart for a second before it disappeared in expectation of what's coming after this one.

 _"If that's what you want." Regina's father says and swings her in his arms._

 _"Don't throw me!" Regina shouts but it's too late and an "Aaaah" leave her lungs as she flies across the air and she bursts in laughter when her body lands on the huge bed._

 _"A young lady shouldn't be shouting like this." Her father says but he's laughing with her and he bend down to her and starts tickling her._

 _"Nooo. Then you should stop... tickling me... daddyyyy." She can barely speak how hard she's laughing, her hair all messy._

Robin could feel her emotions clearly like they were his own. She was so happy, carefree and innocent in that amazing childish way when you know nothing about what life is like but you have so much desire to discover everything.

Robin couldn't stop smile on his lips, he was so glad she had also memories like this because he knew that a lot of those that are about to come won't be happy at all.

Picture in the dreamcatcher disappeared in golden fog and another one took its place.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina in this memory can be around thirteen years old. She's wrapped in the blankets lying in her bed, her forehead sweaty and her cheeks red with fever. Physically, she feels terrible but she thinks it might get better now because Cora's just come to her room._

" _Regina, how are you feeling?" Her mother asks._

" _Not good." Regina murmurs, Cora looks over her then turns her attention to the servant standing next to Regina_ _'s bed. "How is she?"_

" _Miss Regina is suffering with stomachache and fever, I_ _'ve just given her the medication and a big cup of herbal tea." She says._

" _Good." Cora says to the servant and turns back to Regina. "It's just a flu. You'll get better soon and I have things that need to be done."_

" _Mother?" Regina whispers, looking at Cora_ _'s back as she turns to leave. Regina_ _wants her to stay with her, right now she needs her mommy so much but Cora has told her many times that to need someone is a sign of weakness so when Cora looks back at Regina, she doesn_ _'t ask her to stay, she doesn't say anything._

" _You'll be fine." Cora says simply and leave her daughter_ _'s room_ _._

 _Regina doesn't feel like she will be fine, she feels abandoned, so lonely and miserable. Her father isn't at their estate, he had to travel somewhere few days ago and her mother doesn't seem to care about her at all. Is it really too much that child wants to be held by its mother when lays sick?_

" _You should get some sleep, honey." The servant says and brushes the hair away from Regina's forehead. "That will make you feel better." She smiles at her before she leaves._

 _Single tear slides down Regina's face. She feels like no one would even notice if she stopped to exist and that is how no child should ever feel like. Doesn't her mother love her at all?_

Robin couldn't understand at all how Cora could behave like this. No person with a heart would left their child alone like that but Robin knew that it was exactly the problem there. From what Regina had told him, Cora didn't have her heart in her chest and that explained a lot.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Daniel is sitting on the grass behind the stables with his back rested against the wall and Regina is lying next to him with her head on his thigh and they are both laughing over a story Daniel is telling._

" _You didn_ _'t actually tell that to him, did you?" Regina asks._

" _Oh I did. You should see his face. Priceless. Hilarious."_

" _Sounds like fun." Regina chuckles. "Next time I'll go with you." She has never been down in the village during the time of festivals, her mother didn't let her. Her smile fades a bit because she knows it won't be different next time._

 _Daniel knows it won't be so easy for her to go but he nodded. "One day you will." He smiles at her and reaches down to caress her face._

 _At least she has Daniel and he always describes to her everything what happened in the village, they can talk for hours about that, or about each other, about the books they've read, about the horse riding, about everything and nothing. The only fun Regina has are these stolen moments she spends with Daniel. He is the only one who makes her laugh and feel happy and loved. Only with him she feels truly alive._

" _I wish we could spend more time together." She sighs and takes his hand into hers, sadness creeps its way into her mind._

" _I know. Me too, Regina." He brushes the back of her hand with his thumb._

" _But I have to go back and listen_ how inappropriate it is for young lady to spend so much time outside _." Regina mocks the serious tone Cora always speaks with. "Outside of that golden cage my mother wants to keep me in."_

" _Hey, you know she is doing it for your own good." Daniel doesn_ _'t know if he is trying to convince Regina or himself._

" _Yes of course." Regina says with contempt clear in her voice. "She doesn_ _'t care about me at all." She shakes her head. "But let's not talk about her anymore." She sits up and kisses Daniel's lips._

It was strange for Robin to see Regina with her first love, so young, innocent, and delicate but already strong woman. Someone might think it made him jealous but it wasn't that case. Robin was glad and he couldn't even express how much. Daniel were there for Regina when she didn't have anybody else, he showed her the most beautiful thing in the world - love and he stood by her side. Robin couldn't be more thankful for that.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Fear and helplessness that are the two things that Regina feels when she's running towards the stables with her heart pounding like it has never done before. She is so scared that this mean the end for her and Daniel and she can_ _'t let that happen._

 _When she throw herself into his arms, it_ _'_ _s comfort that engulfs her body and mind. She knows what they need to do and she is ready to do it, she asks him to marry her._

 _Love, her heart is full of love for Daniel and she would give up everything for that love, being queen who she has never wanted to be, leaving place that never felt like home. Only thing that matters is the two of them being together._

 _When Daniel pulls out the ring she feels amazed in the most wonderful way possible and e_ _xcited about the vision of their future that starts to be real right now._

 _Surprise blows over her when Snow White finds them there. And finally horror when Regina realises Snow is about to tell her father and Regina's mother. 'No no no no no.' is the only thing resonating in Regina's mind as she runs out of the stables trying to catch up on the girl._

 _Regina tries the best she can to explain this to Snow because if all of this should end up okay for Regina and Daniel she needs her to understand. Luckily, the young princess does and a huge relief swamps Regina's heart with the hug Snow gives her when she promises keep this a secret._

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

Regina had already told Robin before how Daniel died and when the next memory appeared – _Regina on her way to the stables again_ \- he could tell that this was _that_ night, he would knew even without the sigh that Regina let out. He looked at her, her eyes were on him.

Robin reached his hand to her and she didn't want to accept it but her legs didn't obey her mind and stepped towards him on their own will, her hand grabbed his and she let him pull her down on the sofa next to him. He wrapped his left arm around her waist while he was still holding the dreamcatcher with his other one.

She didn't want to watch, she couldn't, so she wrapped her right arm around his back, lowered her head on his shoulder and hid her face in his neck. Robin kissed the top of her head and turned his attention back to the memory that unpaused itself.

 _When Cora stops them from leaving and locks them up inside the stables Regina feels little baffled but she is determined not to give up without fighting for their love. Regina is surprised in the best possible way that to convince her mother is easier than she thought it to be and she really believes that her mother understands and gives them her blessing. But she realises she couldn't be more wrong about that in the split second when Cora shoves her hand in Daniel's chest._

" _Mother! No!" Mixture of betrayal, dismay, pain, horror and fear hits Regina as a tornado. She runs towards Daniel and take him into her arms miserably trying to wake him up. "Mother why have you done this?" She cries._

" _Because this is your happy ending. You have to trust me, Regina. I know best. Love is weakness. It feels real now, at the start it always does but it's an illusion, it fades and then you're left with nothing. But power, true power endures and then you don't have to rely on anyone to get what you want. I've saved you."_

 _Regina thinks what she did was the farthest thing from saving. She wanted nothing but be with Daniel and her mother killed him just like that, like he was nothing more than a bug. The pain Regina feels, when she holds Daniel's dead body in her arms, is huge, monstrous and she thinks it will never stop._

In reality Robin felt a tear to fall on his skin and slide its wet path down his neck until it was absorbed by the fabric of his shirt.

"We can stop if you want to." Robin said and pulled Regina's body closer to his.

"No." She whispered shaking her head slightly in protest.

Robin couldn't understand how Cora could do something this horrible to her own daughter. He didn't like her from what Regina had told him before and he liked her even less after the first memory of her but now he thought he started to hate her. But he knew that despite everything this woman did to Regina, she was still important to her, it was her mother for a God's sake.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina's standing in the beautiful white dress, marrying The King. She has her brave face on but inside she feels dead and her loneliness in the castle, which comes after the wedding, doesn't change anything. The incredible pain inside of Regina eats her alive and the only way how she is able to make it through the day and to look in the face of her step daughter is to take a little of the pain and transform it into an anger. Day after day, little by little until it seems that the anger is all what she has._

 _Then it happens when Regina meets Tinkerbell and the fairy leads her to the man who is supposed to be her soulmate, her second chance at love, she is too weak to open the door, too afraid to let that anger go. So she runs and she is drowning herself in the hopelessness of her life again when Rumpelstiltskin introduces her The Doctor from far away land and a tiniest light of hope comes to Regina's heart only to be crushed when she is watching the unsuccessful attempt to bring Daniel back to life._

"I had to try everything." The hot air caressed Robin's skin as Regina spoke.

"I know." Robin kissed the top of her head again, he understood because back then, he would do the same for Marian.

 _The picture of Regina crying once again on the chest of her dead fiancé disappears, replaced by the woods and Regina, who wears black leather dress, is walking towards Rumpelstiltskin and some other girl about her age that is practising magic._

"She was the first one." Regina said quietly, her voice sounded somehow harsh. _First what?_ But Robin understood before he could ask that question out loud. The first person that Regina had killed. Robin felt Regina moved just a little bit away from him but he didn't let her. He was there with her, for her and nothing will change that.

 _Regina rips the heart of that girl out of her chest and crushes it into dust without even blinking her eye. All the pain that is left inside of Regina is buried deep under the layer of anger that is even thicker than the last time. She's given up on her happiness, on her innocence, on the girl she once was and all what is left now is the desire for vengeance._

It wasn't easy for Robin to watch how much pain Regina carried inside of her, he felt like a piece of his own heart was breaking. He didn't understand how she could cope with it but on the other side he _did_ understand. She was incredibly strong from her young age and she did the best she could to deal with the things that life had put on her plate. He didn't blame her, how could he?

Regina lifted her head from Robin's shoulder, took his arm away from her back so she could lean on the sofa properly but she stayed close to him. One part of Regina were still afraid and wanted to stop Robin from watching. Or run away or maybe both. But the other one wanted him to continue despite her nervousness. The next memories won't be pretty and she wasn't sure if she will be able to sit next to him while he watches them. Robin put his hand on Regina's thigh and she let him, covering his hand with her own. She could stay there for little longer.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _The young queen meets new friend of her husband, the genie. He seems to care about her and an idea comes to Regina's mind. She thinks it through and she lets him believe he is special for her because she_ is _lonely and everything she tells him is true, except the little detail that she loves him. She don't because she will never love again, she knows._

Robin knew that feeling of definitiveness after loss of love but now he also knew how false it was. There is more than just one love in everyone's life. He moved his hand on Regina's leg and interlocked their fingers.

 _Regina has always been very smart and good in pretending so of course she succeeds in tricking the genie into killing her husband and she is finally free. But it seems the genie loves her too much and ends up trapped inside of her mirror as her most devoted servant._

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina and her army of black knights invades village in the middle of night. It have been weeks since the Huntsman tried to fool Regina with a heart of doe and after that every attempt to capture Snow White turns to be another failure. Regina is furious, she needs her dead, wants to watch her suffer. It might look impossible with the people of her kingdom who seem to be more loyal to Snow White than their Queen but Regina is determined to do everything to make it happen. She will have her head on a plate even if she has to kill every single one of Snow_ _'s loyals._

 _Regina looks once again at the villagers. "So you're telling me she lived here and not one of you saw her?" She's angry. "Kill them all. No mercy."_

Regina in reality was staring at the opposite wall but she somehow managed to find enough courage in herself to look at Robin, trying to quickly read the expression on his face. He didn't seem to be disappointed neither disgusted but Regina still expected it to come. He caught her sight and the blue of his eyes was warm like waves on the beach during the summer day. _It's okay,_ Regina tried to convince herself when Robin slightly squeezed her hand in encouraging and ensuring way.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Next memory appears in the dreamcatcher, Regina is standing in another village in the forest and two of her black knights are holding some other woman who faces away at first but then she turns. Marian._

The second Regina realised which memory this was, she stood up and walked towards the shelves on the opposite side of the room. She couldn't watch the memory or Robin's face, or stay next to him while he did, she just couldn't. Robin's eyes followed her but he didn't say a word, just straightened his back and inhaled slowly.

He knew it was Marian even before he could see her face and he didn't want to see this concrete memory, not because he was afraid it might change the way how he saw Regina, but because it was just too painful for him. But he also knew that this concrete memory was one of those that Regina wanted him to see because it bothered her the most. So he watched.

 _Regina, tired of the stupid loyalty towards Snow White, has found a bit of satisfaction in killing people that disobeys her and Marian seems not willing to betray Snow White even when her own life is in danger. "She dies tomorrow." Regina decides and turns to leave but Marian stops her, telling her she feels sorry for her._

Robin always admired Marian's ability to look in person's eyes and see right in their soul and it was strangely comforting for him to see that she knew exactly that Regina was hurt and alone.

 _The queen wouldn't admit to anyone that she really feels this way, not_ _even herself anymore - that deep she has buried all her emotions except the anger and the fact that this dirty peasant woman sees through Regina makes her even more furious than before. "I know who I am and what I want. And right now, it_ _'s your head on a spike."_

When the memory was over, Robin looked across the room at Regina. She was standing there, facing the wall, breathing in and out, waiting what Robin's reaction will be like.

"You didn't kill her, not personally." Robin spoke up, from what he knew, he thought she had.

"That's not important." Regina said calmly, still staring at the wall. "I gave the order for her execution. She never came back to you because of me. I killed her."

"Regina, you didn't know her and you didn't know me back then. It wasn't like a personal vendetta or something." Robin stood up took a step forward but stopped himself.

"And that -" Regina turned around but also stayed where she was, "That is what makes it even worse. I killed people without any actual reason."

"Look," he stepped towards her but left a little space between them. "I always knew you weren't mad evil psycho maniac, I knew there was a lot more in you behind the mask you were wearing and now, when I know what you've been through I get it. You were just trying to cope and although it wasn't very lucky way, you did the best you could." His face was so sincere when he stood there, using his hands to gesticulate while he spoke.

"I don't blame you, not anymore." He added when Regina didn't look like talking.

"But you did." She said quietly with strange mixture of relief, pain and I-was-right-feeling in her voice.

"Well, yes. Of course I did. It would be unfair to Marian if I didn't. I loved her. She was my wife and mother of my child. I didn't know how she died, one day she was just gone and I was sad and angry and helpless." He sighed. "But with the time that passed I've learnt how to live again without her. I am thankful for the time we had together, for Roland but I've accepted she's gone long before I met you." He tilted his head as he looked into Regina's eyes. "I don't blame you." He smiled and touched Regina's arm, squeezed slightly and caressed with his thumb. "I love you."

Regina knew all what Robin said was true and she finally begun to realise that he _really_ understood her and accepted her past. It was a good feeling.

There were still a lot for Robin to see and for both of them to deal with. Especially one tiny little detail bothered her and she wasn't really sure if she wanted to hear what Robin will say about it but they were completely honest with each other today so she decided to bring up that topic too.

"What if it wasn't Zelena?" She asked. "What if I found you in New York while the realMarian would be expecting your child?" She added and watched Robin to nod and then smile. He expected Regina to ask this at some point and he was glad she did.

"When I had the chance to choose for myself, I chose you. And then life - or fate or whatever it was - made a choice for me and I left you. I know I betrayed you when I didn't believe in you enough to wait until you find me again and I am sorry for that." He moved his hand down on Regina's arm and took her palm into his.  
"I would choose you again, no matter if it was really Marian or not. I would choose _you_. The only thing that would change is that I could have shared custody without a fear that my child will be kidnaped and taken in some other realm or god knows where."

His words warmed Regina's heart but she also felt bad. "I am sorry. All what Zelena did was because of me." She shouldn't have said anything about that.

"It's not your fault, Regina." Robin said and shook his head. "It's happened but we can make it work. We will, right?" He tucked a runaway strand of hair back behind her ear.

Regina still wasn't sure about that but she hoped. "We will."

A smile brightened Robin's face and he nodded. "Will you sit next to me while I continue with the dreamcatcher?" He asked and Regina did.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Cora promises Regina to find her soulmate and introduces her Sheriff of Nottingham with fake lion tattoo on his wrist. For a brief moment Regina really believes her mother has done something for her just like that and she gives this man a chance._

" _You let me be the strong one so you can be weak when you want to be."_

Robin would never said something like that. He had quite a history with Sheriff of Nottingham and he had always hated him but now, when he saw he laid his hands on Regina, he hated him twice as much. He was incredibly thankful that Regina revealed Cora's lie before he could touch more of Regina than he already did. Oh, how he hated that man.

 _How can she be so naïve to believe her mother? She knows her and she does nothing just like that, everything is always part of her complicated plans to manipulate Regina_ _'s life but this time she was determined not to let her. If Regina's mother wants her to have a child then she has to make sure she will never have one._

" _We both know you are not going to drink that, so put it down and we can fix this." Cora said. Did she think Regina is still that stupid young girl too weak to counter her? Well, she is wrong then, Regina thinks and drinks the potion._

 _When she lowers the goblet from her mouth, two types of pain hit her. Physical pain that clutched her insides as the potion works and a pain of realisation what she has just done to herself._

 _Has she let her mother win again? Has she fallen for her game? Did her mother really want her to have child for her own sake or did she wanted to trick her into thinking she did. Has Regina making herself barren been her plan from the beginning and with all of this she has tried to cover it? Has Cora pushed her to hurt herself pretending she tries to stop her?_

 _It is frustrating to think like her mother does, with all the possibilities and theories for conspiracy plans. Her mother had always some plan but Regina has no idea what it is this time and she hates it. She hates it so much when her mother manipulates her._

" _Get the hell out of my life!" Regina yells._

Robin made the memory stop and stared at the dreamcatcher for few more seconds. "That's why you said that Zelena and I are tied together in the way we will never be. You _can't_ have a baby." He put the dreamcatcher down and finally looked at Regina. "I- I thought you don't want to."

Regina blinked, little confused why Robin seemed to care so much about it. "I can't." She confirmed. "Why does it matter?" She asked but Robin didn't have to say anything because his eyes said it all. "Did you..." Regina stopped herself suddenly unsure and cleared her throat. "Did you want to have a child with _me?_ " She felt strangely constricting pain in her chest.

"Well, yes. Maybe. I don't know." He sighed and laid his hand on her thigh. "Look, I know that things are messy between us now but I thought that maybe one day we could have a child of our own." He shrugged with one shoulder and smiled.

Regina gulped, it was just another reason why she wasn't good enough for Robin. She wasn't able to give him what he wanted. "I can't." She repeated with slowly shaking head.

"But if you could, would you want it?" His eyes were sparkling with hope.

"It doesn't matter." She said coldly, no, she won't think about it because it wasn't possible for her to have _that_. She took that option from herself and she gave up on that long time ago. "I can't." She said for the third time and Robin thought he heard pain in her voice and that was not what he wanted.

"Regina." He moved on the sofa so he could face her properly, reached for both of her hands and took them into his. "I don't want you to think you can't give me something I want. It's not true. What I want is family with you but we already have it with Roland and Henry and that is enough. You are more than enough, Regina. I just… You drank a potion, it was magic that made you barren and if I learnt only one thing about magic, it would be that all magic _can_ be broken."

Regina stared at him unable to say anything. Was he serious?

She stood up and turned away from him. She loved Henry and Roland and she was decided to try to love Robin's baby despite its mother was Zelena but having child of her own, child that would never say _'You are not my mother'_ , child that no one could take from her, having child of her own with her soulmate, how could she not want it? Of course she wanted but she thought something like that couldn't work for her. She was scared to hope because if she would and then lost this hope it would kill her, she was sure. She closed her eyes and a tear fell on her cheek. Robin came to her, put his hand on her shoulder and she turned around.

"I am sorry." He wiped that tear away from her face. He shouldn't have started with this, he could wait until things between them calm down a little bit. He felt like complete idiot for pushing her too far.

"Don't." Regina shook her head vigorously and rested her hands on his chest. "Don't apologize for..." She couldn't say it but what she meant was _the most beautiful way how you could say you love me and you want to be with me_. "Just don't." This topic hit her deeply and she felt like a mess, she closed her eyes and the only thing she was capable of was breathing in and out, in and out.

"Yes." She whispered after a while and opened her eyes looking right into Robin's. "One day… I would want it." She answered the question he had asked before and more tears found its way out of Regina's eyes.

Robin wrapped his arms around her body and kissed her temple, she made him so happy. "I just wanted you to know that it still may be possible." He wiped away her tears once more. "And when the day comes that we both will be ready, we will try to find a way to make it work. Okay?"

Regina was looking at him, into his ocean blue eyes and despite she knew she shouldn't let hope overtake her so easily, she did, she believed him.

"Okay." Regina nodded and let the tension of her body release in his embrace.

"Come on." He said after a while and led her back to the sofa, where they sit down close to each other. "Maybe we should take a little break from that thing," he pointed to the dream catcher, "and maybe get some lunch. What do you think?"

She took one deep breath to calm herself properly after the emotional tornado that had hit her, wiped the rest of her tears from her face and smiled. "I think that's a good idea. Take out from Granny's? I can teleport myself there and bring it." She stood up and turned back to him. "Wanna come or wait?" She asked with a smile.

"I'll wait." He said, thinking that Regina could use a minute for herself.

* * *

 **Hope you liked this chapter and that it wasn** **'t too confusing with all what happened in the memories, what Regina from the memories felt, what she felt in real time, what Robin thought about the memories and what the two of them talked about. It was kind of tricky to deal with all these things in the same time but I hope you get the idea what I meant** **We will see some more memories and conversations in next chapter.  
** **If you liked this chapter, please leave a review and I would love if you could let me know what part did you like the most.  
Stay blessed :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my lovely readers, I am so sorry it took so long but finaly the next chapter is here!**

 **Some of you expressed disappointment that I kept Zelena as mother of Robin** **'** **s baby but I am not going to change that in any way because I wanted to express that our dreamy soulmates, Regina and Robin, can make it through everything that writers of OUAT create for them because after all, they are soulmates. However for those of you who want to see a proper OQ baby story without wicked sisters, check the other story I wrote –** _ **I Want To Have Hope.**_ **It** **'s temporarily on break but I plan to continue with it after I finish this one.**

 **I do not own OUAT nor its characters. I just like to play with them :)  
Sorry for all my mistakes, English is not my first language but I am trying my best.**

 **Now, let** **'s enjoy this chapter, shall we?**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

When both of them finished their food that Regina brought from Granny's they went back to watching the memories, Regina sitting next to Robin with her legs to the side up on the sofa while her shoes were lying on the floor where she kicked them off.

There were still some bad memories ahead of them but she got the feeling it's nothing they couldn't handle and the terrible fear of Robin leaving her started to melt slowly away.

Robin could somehow feel this change in her and he was incredibly pleased she was finally accepting that he is not going anywhere anytime soon. He smiled, leant towards her and kissed her cheek.

"What was that for?" Regina asked curiously, not that she was complaining.

"Just like that." He smiled with a playful smile, quickly shrugged one arm and look away from her face to the dreamcatcher.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina in this picture doesn't look like Regina that everyone in her kingdom knew. Instead of her luxurious royal dresses and fancy hairstyles she is wearing simple grey clothes, her hair tied at the back of her head but that is not the only thing tied. There are shackles on her hands behind her back and two royal guards are leading her towards the crowd on the courtyard._

Robin figured out that Regina was going to be executed but he had no idea something like that hung over her head. "Is that," Robin started and cleared his throat, "Is that your execution?" He put his hand on Regina's thigh in unconscious attempt to protect her.

"Yeah. Snow White and Charming tricked me in the battle and used fairy dust to bind my magic so they could capture me." Regina said with absolutely no emotion in her voice.

"That's…" Robin himself didn't know what he wanted to say. On one side he understood why they wanted to do that and on the other side he was incredible pleased that it didn't happen and he wanted so see why, so he said nothing, just watched.

 _Regina has her last chance to say something and despite she doesn't show it on her face, she hesitates in the inside. Should she really express regret, ask for amnesty? She looks at Snow, remembering that naïve secret spilling little girl, the suffering she has caused to her, the unsuccessful attempts in killing her and what she said to her when she saved her from her black knights while she was masked as a stranger, willing to forgive Regina if she would wanted to change._

 _Is there still a chance? And would she want to? Would she be able look at Snow White living happily with her husband while Regina is dead inside? No. As much as she doesn't want to die, she knows she cannot live like that. It will never happen. She breathes in, holds her head high and chooses her last words carefully, letting her anger consume her and one more time she lets everyone hear The EVIL Queen she is._

Robin almost closed his eyes when the royal soldiers shot their arrows but he didn't, reminding himself that Regina was all right. When Snow stopped the execution, he knew exactly why she did it. He noticed a glimpse of the young woman Regina used to be, woman that suffered, woman that Regina claimed was long gone while she kept her buried deep inside of her, wearing the mask of The Evil Queen until the end. Or so Regina thought because with the Charming's order to fire and an inevitable end of her life, Regina wasn't able to keep her mask as strong as always and in spite of the blindfold that was put on her face, the tiniest glimpse of her long forgotten self got out but it was enough for Robin to see. Enough for Snow to see.

 _Regina doesn't understand what is happening. She feels a strange mixture of surprise, confusion and even disappointment. Not that she wants to die, not that she is ready, she isn't but she's accepted it will happen. So why did Snow stop it? They are taking her back to her cell and she is wondering what will happen now. But there is nothing happening at all._

 _It's been almost a week when finally Snow White pays her a visit and she lets her go. In spite of what Snow said Regina knows it's not just like that but she can't resist the temptation, the desire for revenge that constantly burns within her. This is the chance to finally end Snow's life and she would be damned if she didn't take it._

Robin saw the hatred and pain in the eyes of Regina's past self and he couldn't help himself but shivered about the amount of those feelings but he immediately kick himself inwardly when he felt Regina stiffen next to him. Of course she noticed his reaction and he was sure she thought he was disgusted or something but that wasn't the case there.

He turned his head to look at her but she was staring into her lap, her fallen hair partially covering her face. Robin brought his hand up and tucked the hair behind her ear but she didn't move an inch and he laid his hand back on her thigh. He wanted to say something but decided it would be better if he watched this particular memory to its end first.

 _Insane joy fills Regina's mind with the dagger being stabbed into Snow White's abdomen and she is hungrily waiting for the life leaving her body, for the pain spreading in her eyes, but there isn't any. All the alarms in Regina's mind turned on when the woman that was supposed to be dying right now smiled. No pain… no blood… no dying… What the hell?_

 _They tricked her, Regina realise. They tricked her again. Thoughts in Regina's mind are flashing frantically when she is listening to their words. She cannot hurt them anymore, they won. No, no it can't be true. They are banishing her, humiliating her once again. No. NO!_

"Regina?" Robin wanted her to look at him but he didn't receive any response, she was still staring down. He caressed her leg before he hooked his fingers under her chin, slowly turning her face towards him, her eyes little uneasy when they held his gaze. "Regina, love, what are you thinking?"

"Doesn't matter. The thing is what you thought… You were scared."

Robin shook his head slowly. "I certainly wasn't. I have never been scared of you."

"Then what was it?" She sounded oddly weak.

"Honestly?" He asked and sighed, "My heart just aches for the woman I saw." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him in a way they could still look in each other's eyes. "And I am incredibly proud of the woman sitting next to me right now." He brushed his lips on her cheek in a soft kiss.

Regina looked for any sign in his face that would give him away but she didn't find any, she knew it was truth and she felt warmth around her heart. She couldn't help herself with all the feelings of insecurity those were invading her constantly but Robin always knew, he always could tell and he always could sooth them away. She let herself to lean in his closeness and smiled against his lips before she kissed him.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

" _I'm not sure what I should say. I'm conflicted." Regina says to her father, pacing across the chamber in her castle. "I have to cut out the heart of the thing I love most." She breaths out and closes her eyes when she hears her father's voice. "Me."_

 _She doesn't know what to do, she certainly doesn't want to do_ _ **this**_ _but she can't let Snow White win. That young woman not only took her future from her, hurt her and mocked her but she took everything she had, her power and everything she had built and Regina has to do something but there is nothing else to do anymore._

 _She hesitates for a few seconds, when she steps into her father's embrace. She wants to believe his words, and small part of her does but that part is too small, she knows she can never be happy again, not like this, not with Snow White having her happy ending, she went too far on the path of revenge to just turn around and no matter how hard this is, it's the only way for her to be happy. No matter how much she loves her father, she knows she has to do it._

" _I think you're right, I can be happy. Just not here." She lets that tear fall, takes a deep breath and rips the heart of the thing she loves most out of her daddy's chest. "I'm sorry." Regina whispers when another tear falls from her eyes. She knows how much her father loves her and she wishes he could forgive her._

Robin kissed Regina's temple and he was glad she didn't pull herself away an inch this time. He hadn't known before what it took to enact the curse and he couldn't imagine to feel as desperate as Regina felt that she actually did it.

"It's the worst thing I did." Regina spoke up quietly next to him.

"I am sure he forgave you." He squeezed her arm lightly as he held her against him.

"I hope so but…" Her voice died and she shook her head.

"Regina, you father loved you. He wanted the best for you, he wanted you to be happy. I'm sure he understood why you made the choice you did." He said but Regina stayed quiet and after a moment Robin added "If he's watching you, I am sure he is proud of you." He saw the tear that escaped Regina's eye and caught it with his thumb before he kissed her forehead and moved his attention to the next memory.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Snow White is kneeling next to Charming's numb body while Regina is standing with her head held high as the air twirls around them, the curse almost on its peak. "This is my happy ending." Regina shouts with oddly satisfying laugh and she really believes that making everyone else suffer will make her suffer less and with that thought pure joy overtakes her. When she wakes up in Storybrook, she is thrilled that her plan works, she feels content, even happy but happiness gained from vengeance is not real and it can't last. Day in, day out and she stops being happy, she doesn't feel angry either, she is just empty._

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _The next memory is a dark room, dimly lighted only with the streetlights shining through the windows. There_ 's _a movement on the bed, a glimpse of bare shoulder and Regina's dark hair, then a hand travels from under the covers into those beautiful hair, hand that is too big to be Regina's and the silence of the room is pierced by a muffled moan._

Robin's eyes widened when he finally realized what he was looking at. Regina, his Regina having sex with another man. He sent away the memory hurriedly and stayed speechlessly staring at the now entirely normal and non-magical net of the dreamcatcher, his body tensed.

Regina realized what memory this was just a little moment sooner than Robin and despite she wasn't sure if she wanted him to watch that particular memory _,_ his overreaction amused her. "Are you jealous?" She asked with cocked up eyebrow.

"Well, I certainly don't want to watch you in bed with another man." He said with strangely unsettled voice and Regina chuckled. Oh, he was _so_ jealous and the thought of Robin's unwillingness to share her with anyone made her heart flutter.

"Look," She said and turned herself on the sofa directly to him. "You have absolutely nothing to be jealous about." She took a second to reconsider if saying what she was going to say was a good idea and decided that it would be fine.

"Daniel and I, we've been waiting for marriage with that but we've never got the chance and with The King…" Regina closed her eyes for a second with the memory of those nights, especially the first one – her _very_ _first_ one, she blinked the memories away "Well, I would say I haven't enjoyed it, he's never cared about me." She shook her head, her expression saddened a bit but she continued.

"When he died and I became the only rightful ruler of the kingdom, I slept with men, using sexuality as a tool, a weapon of sorts, very powerful in a world of men. I won't lie, in those times I enjoyed it but it was nothing more than a game of power."

Robin wasn't sure why she was telling him that. Although he knew the idea of himself being the only men in Regina's life was ridiculous and untrue, he would be happy to keep living in that kind of lie because just the thought of another man laying hands on his Regina, seeing her naked, hearing her moans, tasting her skin and doing all the other stuff… It made his vision go red and awoke murderous tendencies, which he didn't even know he had.

"And with Graham… I've got his heart, I mean I _ripped out_ his heart, he had to obey everything I said. I've spent _eighteen years_ alone in Storybrook before I adopted Henry. I was just trying to feel something, but it didn't work like that, it was just a sex." She said and tilted her head on a side, love spreading across her features when she reached for his hand. "I've never experienced making love until with you. In that matter, you were my first one. You are my only one."

Robin smiled sadly, realising how irrelevant his thoughts were. She was so alone for a very long time and he was being selfish. He himself couldn't claim the same what she just told him, he did experience making love before Regina and he also let other woman touch him _after_ Regina. His heart ached with that thought. He brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles before whispering "I love you more than my heart can hold." Then he leaned to her and kissed her lips with a long, slow and tender kiss full of love, adoration and infinite gratitude for having Regina in his life. "But if any other man ever tries to touch you, you may easily found his death body." He said when they parted and Regina chuckled against his lips. Oh, he was so jealous.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina is sitting on the sofa watching 10 months old baby Henry crawling around on the soft rug in front of the fireplace, playing with his favourite stuffed frog. She is tired, Henry is in the age when his teeth are growing and last night was one of those worst ones, when his sore gums were keeping him awake the whole night and his mom with him. She barely closed an eye, trying to sooth her little boy's cries, relieve his pain and console his distress but nothing seemed to work long enough for her to get some sleep._

 _Henry offset his lack of sleep with an unusually long nap while she was working in her office so now he is full of energy unlike his mother, who smiles at him tiredly when he motions his frog towards her babbling words, which meaning knows no one but him._

 _Henry drops the frog on the rug, crawls towards the coffee table and grabs its edge with both of his little hands, pulling himself up on his chubby legs, giggling at his mother. Her smile widens at that sight, Henry has mastered standing few weeks ago and was able to do few steps holding onto something but Regina thought he hasn't felt like walking on his own anytime soon._

 _Henry steps towards his mommy supporting himself on the coffee table and when he makes it to its end Regina expects him to turn around or sit back down but he looks up at her face and lets go of the table, hesitates for a second and makes his first step on his little, wobbly legs._

 _Regina slides down from the sofa as Henry makes second step…then third… fourth… and then he loses his balance and falls into his mother's spread arms, squeaking with joy. She hugs him tightly to her chest, "Look at you, my little prince. You made me so so proud." She coos softly to her son, all her exhaustion forgotten when he giggles at the sound of her voice._

" _Mommy." Henry manages to say and Regina's heart almost bursts with love to her son and after years of despair she finally feels like proper human being because when she holds her son in her arms, she knows her life has a meaning._

" _I love you, Henry."_

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regna opens the door from her house and the great relieve she feels when she finally sees her son, whole and unharmed after the whole day she's had no idea where he was, spreads inside her. She wraps him in her arms but he pulls away._

" _I found my real mom!" He runs back inside and Regina's world spins._

" _You're Henry's birth mother?" She asks the woman standing in front of her house, doing the best she could to keep her voice sound normal._

 _After this moment, Regina feels that Henry is drifting away from her more and more day after day. She is losing him, she realises. She is losing the only person she loves, she is losing her little prince and the thought is unbearable, she will do anything to get Emma out of their lives because Henry is_ _ **her**_ _son._

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Regina, Emma and Graham are standing in the night if front of her vault when he tells her that he doesn't feel anything, that he doesn't want to be with her anymore and she feels betrayed. It doesn't matter that Regina doesn't love Graham, she claims him her own and now he is another thing Emma wants to take from her? If Graham wants to leave her for Emma despite she has his heart in her physical possession how can she keep Henry away from that blonde? Regina is angry, she promised herself to not let Emma take anything form her. She deeply desires to have her magic again, so she could burn her alive but she can't so she does the only thing that is left there, she punches her._

"Well, you're certainly a badass, Regina." Robin said with a smirk across his face and she couldn't stop that half-snort half-chuckle that escaped from her mouth. "Being resourceful came very useful especially without my magic." She returned with a slight playfulness in her tone but Robin didn't came with any other response.

After a moment of silence he asked seriously "What happened to him?" Not that he would care if he didn't know it was _him_ who Regina was sleeping with.

"I…" Her expression changed but she hesitated only for a half a second, "I squeezed his heart to ashes."

* * *

 **In the next chapter we will see the last bit of Regina's memories, some more important conversations and SOMETHING ELSE what I am not going to spoil because I am so excited about it. Yay! Leave your guesses what it's gonna be in review and also pls let me know if you liked this chapter, it would mean a lot!  
See you soon.  
xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone! New chapter is here and a lot of things are happening, maybe I should parted it into two but I already made you wait sooo long for it, so just enjoy!**

 **Mistakes are mine, OUAT is not.**

* * *

Robin watched the dreamcatcher glow with another of Regina's memories.

 _She is in hospital room full of beds and it is Henry who is lying in one of them and the despair that radiates out of Regina is enormous. She feels terrible, her heart hurts and her soul is torn apart as she holds his hand, her little prince. She failed him, she couldn't protect him. He was dying and it was all her fault. No, it was Emma's fault. If there wasn't for her, none of this would have happened._

"What happened to him?" Robin looked at Regina beside him and took her hand in his, she sighed, still looking at the picture of her and her son in the dreamcatcher.

"A sleeping curse that was meant to be for Emma." Regina said simply, she couldn't find enough strength to look Robin in the eyes, she was just staring at their joined hands as she continued. "I wanted to get rid of her because… I was just scared that she will take Henry away from me and that… that Henry would go. I gave her a poisoned apple turnover but Henry knew." A sad smile appeared on her face. "He always knew and he wanted to prove Emma he was right, so he ate it instead of her." She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I thought I lost him. It was terrible."

 _When she gets back into the hospital after Gold has stolen the bottled true love from Emma and they tell her that it's over, that her little boy is dead, Regina's heart breaks and her soul crumbles. Henry was the only good thing in her life and now he's gone and she can't do anything. There is no way to bring him back, she is once again powerless._

 _And then it happens, Emma kisses Henry's forehead and a wave of magic runs through the whole room - the whole town, it seems. Henry breathes in and opens his eyes and the relief Regina feels is enormous, bigger that any mountain of this world._

 _As the initial surprise fades a realisation hits Regina, her curse… it's broken and the little part of Regina's mind that is still capable of thinking reasonably tells her she has to get out of there. But she can't leave Henry just like that, her Henry who is alive! She steps to his bed and with everything she holds in her heart, she tells him she loves him. And then she leaves._

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

The next memory, which appeared in the dreamcatcher, surprised Robin. He was looking at Daniel standing in the stables in Storybrook. "I didn't know he was actually resurrected." He looked at Regina. _Well, of course you didn't know_ , Regina thought, _I've never told you._

"When Doctor Whale tried to resurrect Daniel back in the Enchanted Forrest, he didn't try for real. I didn't know back then but the procedure was just pretended. It was one of Rumple's tricks to make me do what he wanted me to do." Her voice sounded oddly bitter and Robin knew how much Regina hated the fact that both Rumpelstiltskin and her mother were always using her to get what _they_ wanted.

"However, after Emma broke the curse, I still had his body under a preservation spell and he did it. He resurrected Daniel. But-" She shook her head, "One cannot bring people back from death." Her eyes dropped back to the picture in Robin's hands, silently telling him to keep watching.

 _Regina opens the door and here he is, her Daniel standing right in front of her. She needs to touch him to believe that he is real and he steps towards her and grabs her, grabs her hard and thrusts her body against the wall. She knows that something is very, very wrong, the eyes that stare at her aren't those Daniel's loving ones. She struggles to breathe but his grip is too firm. If this is the end then be it, at least she got to see him one more time. She closes her eyes and with the last bit of air in her lungs whispers "I love you"._

 _And he lets her go, the air burns as it finds the way into her lungs again. She looks up at him, her Daniel with_ his loving _eyes, and he says her name in the way like no one did in decades. She doesn't hesitate a split second and throws herself into his arms. He is back, for all what is good and holy in this world, HE IS BACK! She is so relieved and happy that her heart may actually jump out of her chest on its own from this sensation._

 _But it wouldn't be her life if the happiness lasted. She watches Daniel stepping back from her with a confusion and concern in her mind when a realisation hits her. He is in pain because he doesn't belong in this world. She knows it but she is not willing to admit it, she won't lose him again._

" _Without you I'm lost." She says to him because that's what she is, she lost herself with him the day he died. "Daniel, come back to me." She begs._

" _I can't."_

" _But I love you." She whispers desperately._

" _Then love again." He is letting her go, he will always love her but he knows there is no time for the two of them anymore. He doesn't want for her to suffer and be hurt, she deserves much better than that. He knows she deserves more than he can give her so he lets her go._

 _Regina helplessly watches him struggle with the pain, holding on the reality but then he loses his fight and although there is still Daniel's body standing in front of her she knows he is not inside anymore. No matter how much it hurts her, she cannot let him suffer like this. She lifts her hand, freezing him in mid-motion and disintegrating him with magic._

" _Goodbye, Daniel." She is standing there, tears streaming from her eyes, she can still feel Daniel's touch on her skin. She had him back only for the sake of losing him again. Why does it hurt so much? She got her heart broken so many times, she should be used to it by now, she should be immune but that's the last thing she is. She is broken. Again._

Robin didn't realise how tightly he was holding Regina's hand in his but she was squeezing it back with an equal strength. He wrapped his other hand around her back, pulling her closer to him as they were sitting, silent, no need for them to talk this time, they both just knew. He kissed her temple and then she rested her head on his shoulder, letting her body relax against his. The memory still hurt her but now she knew she needed it to happen, she needed to let Daniel go, she needed it to move on, to be better.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

 _Snow telling Regina her mother can never love her if she doesn_ _'_ _t have her heart inside her and Regina doesn't like the idea at first but the only thing she_ _'s_ _ever wanted from her mother was love, so she gives in, desperately desiring one of the most basic things in the world – to be loved by your own mother._

 _So she takes the heart, goes and thrusts it back into her mother_ _'s chest. A painful gasp escapes her mother's lips and Regina is looking at her, tears pricking in her eyes as she waits. And Cora smiles at her and laughs happily and Regina's heart jumps in her own chest before it breaks again when Cora collapses into her arms._

 _She doesn't know what is happening, her mother looked all right just second ago but now… Regina is scared, confused and her heart hurts in strange way when her mother whispers "This would've been enough. You would've been enough."_

 _The last breath leaves Cora's lungs while she is held in arms of her daughter and Regina is desperate, she lost her, she just got her back, fully and truly but she lost her. She lost another person she deeply cares about and her heart cracks again. And, once more she tries to bury her pain with anger and it is so easy when Snow shows up because Regina can blame_ her _for all of this. Again._

Regina was still tucked to Robin's side with her head on his shoulder and their entwined hands rested on Robin's abdomen as he traced little soothing circles with his thumb on her skin. After the memory, silence engulfed them for a minute before Regina spoke up in soft, quiet voice. "She was my weakness. I love her, I've always loved her."

"I know you have." He kissed her temple. Despite not very positive feelings he had towards Cora, he knew how important she was for Regina despite everything she did to her and in some way he could also understand Cora. "She always showed it in the wrong way but she loved you, Regina. You know that now, don't you?"

A deep sigh left Regina's lungs and a nod of her head made the tears collected in her eyes spill. "I was always trying to be good enough for her but I never was. And I never could be. Do you see the irony of her last words?" She let out an unamused laugh as she lifted herself from Robin's body and wiped the tears away from her face.

"I just wish…" she sighed and shook her head, knowing how absurd this was. "I can't help myself but wonder how it would be like to have her in my life with her heart in her chest. To have her here, meeting Henry… and you." She looked at him with sad smile. "Even Zelena… I mean, maybe if the two of them could talk. She never met her and I knew her but I didn't. She had so many secrets and I didn't know the woman I _would_ have been enough for." Her eyes pricked with more tears but she didn't let them fall this time. "I'm being ridiculous." She shook her head on herself again.

"No, Regina. You are not." He took her hand into his. "It is just very unusual and very complicated situation but it is normal to feel the way you do." He wanted to assure her because he knew very well how uneasy she was about expressing her feelings or even feeling them and he always wanted her to know it is all right. She was looking at him and she was grateful for having him and she was grateful that he could understand her like this.

"I think it's the price of magic." She said then. "It just complicates things. All these impossible situations…" She shook her head slowly and Robin knew she wasn't talking only about her mother anymore, it was also about them and Zelena, without magic their lives wouldn't be such a mess but without magic they wouldn't be probably even there anymore.

For a great part of his life, Robin wasn't a big fan of magic, he knew it always came with a price and he knew how much suffering it may cause. And then with Regina in his life he had learnt also about the good side of magic but the price remained and it seemed like everyone is paying it in some way.

"It does complicates things." Robin confirmed Regina's words. "But imagine how boring life would be if it didn't." He added with mischievous expression on his face, trying to cheer her up a bit and it seemed he succeeded in this task because Regina chuckled. "Yes, yes it would." She responded with a smile that reached also her eyes.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

What came next wasn't a concrete memory like every time before, this time there were flashes and glimpses of pictures, spoken words and raw feelings blended all together.

 _Robin hugging his formerly death but now very-much-alive wife. "So you made your choice." A tear rolling down Regina's cheek as Robin leaves her alone in her office. Robin asking her to save Marian's life. The pain that tears Regina's soul apart once again when she tries to do the right thing despite Robin telling her about his conflicted heart. Marian gasping after she got her heart back and throwing herself into Robin's arms. Marian collapsing once again. Robin letting go of Regina's hand, crossing the town line. "She's pregnant." Terribly overwhelming helplessness while Robin is bleeding out and there is nothing Regina can do to help him. Fear when Robin is taken by the fury, the mighty resolution to save him at all costs and the willingness to sacrifice her own life for his._

Robin realized all of it were moments when Regina had thought she was losing him, one way or another and after all the pieces of her life he had already seen, he also realized her worst memories were those when she was losing people she cared about. No matter if it was her father, Daniel, Henry, her mother or Robin himself.

He could understand why it was her worst fear, why she was so scared to open herself up to another person. It was something rooted deep inside her with all those experiences of losing and shattering of her heart into pieces. And he felt unworthy of her love because instead of protecting her heart, all he did was just causing her more heartache.

"I'm sorry." Robin whispered and Regina looked at him, her voice was soft but slightly sad when she told him "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I brought pain into your life."

Regina's lips curled in small smile. "You brought so much more." She lifted her hand and gently brushed her fingertips across his stubble in a caress. "I should be thanking you for that."

"There's no need for that." He shook his head, covered her hand with his, draw it to his lips and peppered her fingers with butterfly kisses. "I love you, Regina."

She replied with kissing his mouth.

— **O—o—O—o—O—o—O—**

When the next memory came, Robin realised it had to be very recent one. He could tell according to how Regina looked, her hair the same length as now, he recognized her clothes and also the look on her face.

 _She knocks on the massive oak door, which are opened by a brown man just a minute later._

" _Regina." The man says apparently surprised to see her._

" _Sidney." Regina answers, "May I come in?"_

 _The man who spent years trapped in a mirror silently steps aside letting her enter. "Honestly, I would never_ _expect that you'll show up in here." He motions for Regina to follow him into the living room._

" _I've came to apologize." Her palms brushing slowly against the fabric of her skirt as she speaks._ _She_ _isn't sure where the two of them are standing anymore. Too much happened in their past._

" _Oh." His eyebrows go up but his face doesn't look surprised at all. "I think I may repeat myself but I would never expect that either."_

" _Oh please." She says with a hint of mockery clear in her voice. She hadn't talked with Sidney in ages until the last time when she wanted to murder Marian once again. And talking with him now - after all those things that changed in her life – it feels quite weird, it brings back something of her old self, just a hint of the great and terrible Evil Queen, but she can feel it there._

" _I've heard some things, Regina…" Sidney stepped little bit closer to her, "I mean, neither the queen nor the mayor can really expect there won't be any rumours about her running around this lovely town." He says and Regina rolls her eyes but doesn't respond. "You do look different, Regina." He looks right into her eyes for a moment. "Or is it just another pretending game of yours?" His eyebrows go up suspiciously._

" _I don't care what rumours you've heard. I'm here because what I did wasn't right."_

 _Sidney doesn't say anything, making her continue. "I used you back in the Enchanted Forest and I shouldn't lock you up in here. For everything what I did to you, I'm sorry, Sidney. I truly am."_

 _A sound - something between humming and snorting – escapes Sidney_ _'s lungs. "Is it everything what you came here for?" He asks because of course it isn't, he knows her too well to be sure about it._

" _I mean what I said, Sidney. I know I have no right to want anything from you anymore." Regina was quite unsure if asking him what she initially planned was a good idea._

" _Funny. I still have the feeling you want something anyway."_

" _Yes." Regina sighed, "I came also to ask you to do me one last favour but I won_ _'t blame you if you refuse, you have every right to and I will accept that_ _and you won't heard from me again if you don't want to."_

" _And what if I do?" He asks and uses Regina's surprise as an opportunity to close the distance between them even more, but his head is slowly shaking. "I was foolish to think I loved you." He brushed the back of his index finger alongside her jaw. "Now I know I didn't. But… I still might be foolish. What can I do for you?"_

" _I could use my mirror one more time."_

 _Sidney lets out quiet, low and totally not surprised laugh. "Of course you could." He is looking straight into her eyes and Regina know there is something different about him, there isn_ _'t as much fear in his eyes as she always saw there. It seems they both have changed a lot and still not enough._

" _The question is," Sidney continues, "how can I believe anything what you are saying? How can I know you just don't want to trap me inside the bloody thing again, to get rid of me for good or to wait until I will be useful to you again? How can I trust you after everything what you did?" His face is calm but there is lot of feelings storming in his eyes._

" _You can't. And honestly, if the tables were turned I wouldn't trust you."_

 _He lets out a small snort but remains quiet and Regina takes that as a 'no' to her request for a favour. "Thank you anyway." She turns to leave but Sidney's voice stops her. "Wait."_

 _She turns to look at him and there is a long, uncomfortable pause before he asks. "Why this sudden need of your mirror again?"_

" _I-" Regina starts but stops immediately. She had never problems to voice her opinions about others but being honest about herself with someone else than Robin and Henry is something she is just learning, sometimes she still struggles in these matters even with Emma and Snow so there is no wonder that for a second Regina wants to give answer that is not so personal but there is no point in doing that. After all, if Sidney decides to do what she needs, she will have to tell him eventually._

" _I want to leave the past where it belongs." She says._

 _Sidney tilts his head to the side, searching for something in her expression before replying, "As far as I remember you wanted to change it last time."_

" _Maybe what needed to change was me." She shrugs her arms._

" _So you regret what you did?" He asked her, his eyebrows little furrowed._

 _Regina lets out a dark half-chuckle, "No, I don't regret it. I_ _am sorry for all who suffered because of me and for all those people that had to die but I don't regret it. I can't because it got me my son. Something good came out of it and it is not only about_ _ **me**_ _adopting Henry. If there was no curse Emma would never met Rumple_ _'s son so Henry wouldn't be even born. So no, I don_ _'_ _t regret anything."_

 _Sidney is looking at her once again before he reaches his hand towards her, "I guess, the mirror is in your vault?" Regina takes his outstretched hand and with that touch they are surrounded with a purple smoke that takes them to the room under the forest._

" _Thank you." Regina says as the smoke of her magic disappears, giving Sidney another chance to change his mind._

 _His eyes find the mirror almost immediately and he nods without looking at Regina anymore, "Let_ _'s get this over with, shall we?"_

 _Regina waves her hand and the man beside her disappears only to reappear inside the mirror just a second later._

" _What do you want to see, Regina?" He asks, his voice modified by the magic of the mirror too familiar to Regina and still somehow different._ He doesn't call me 'My Queen' _, Regina realises. He has always called her that, even in Storybrook, even after she held him captive, even after she_ _ **forgot**_ _she was holding him captive. Regina shakes her head. It is a good thing he doesn't call her that anymore._

 _She walks towards wooden chest in front of the mirror to sit on it and speaks up with calm and quiet but still somehow strong voice. "I want to see every person that suffered because of me. I want to see everyone who died because of me - by my hand or on my order. I want to see all of them. I want to know their names and who they were."_

 _Sidney seems to be genuinely shocked about her request, but it also might be just because or the light reflecting in the mirror, Regina is not sure._

" _Let's start then." Sidney's voice comes from the mirror after few seconds. "Your first one, Trish, the oldest of three children of local tailor." And the first girl Regina has killed appears in the mirror."_

Regina in present time touched the dream catcher in Robin's hands and the memory stopped. She sat up straight, putting some distance between the two of them and looked at Robin's face.

"It's exactly 268 people I killed personally and 835 who were killed on my command."

Robin was looking at her, his expression calm. "Did you watch all of them?" He motioned his head towards the dreamcatcher.

"I did." She nodded slowly.

"With all their names and things about who they were?"

A nod again. She wasn't looking at Robin anymore, her eyes were fixed on her hands in her lap. Robin put the dreamcatcher down, turned on the sofa, tucking one of his legs under him so he could face Regina properly and lifted his hand, hooking his index finger under Regina's chin but instead of making her lift her head up he just left his hand there waiting for Regina to look up on her own. And when she did, she saw a soft smile on Robin's lips.

"Thank you, Regina." He said, caressing her jaw with his thumb. He knew Regina came far from the person she used to be back in the Enchanted Forest but he didn't expect her to do something like this.

"For what?" she asked frowning with confusion, after everything she told him and what he saw, she was expecting various different reactions but _this_ was definitely not one of them.

"For letting me love you and stand by your side. You are incredible woman, Regina and I am very, very proud of you." Robin was looking at her with that kind of look Regina couldn't even describe, there was so much love in it. She never knew what to say or do when he was looking at her like that. It was just too much.

He saw in her eyes that his words warmed her heart but she still didn't quite get what he meant. He was slowly shaking his head when he asked, "You still don't know what you did there, do you?"

Regina's mouth opened to say something, but she didn't know what it was, so she just closed it again.

"I remember saying to you to let the past in the past and you are doing just that. It's a good thing to not regret the past, as you said it did bring something good but it wasn't only Henry. You brought so much good for everyone. You cursed people to life with indoor plumbing, modern medicine and fancy food we don't have to hunt in the woods first." Robin chuckled, "There were so many worse things you could do if you wanted people to suffer, but you didn't. And what you did that day," Robin's sight fell back on the dreamcatcher for a moment, "You honoured the people whose death made it possible for everyone to be here."

"I just felt I needed to do it, like it was the right thing to do." She finally said, her voice a little bit unsure.

"It was." Robin nodded. "I am so proud of you."

Regina gulped, her throat dry. She wasn't used to people say they were proud of her, she never did anything worth of being proud of, the majority of her life she felt like she wasn't good enough, not good enough daughter for her mother, not good enough wife for her husband, not good enough queen for her people, not good enough mother for her son. She shook her head, she was trying to be good enough for Henry now, and good enough for Robin and a small part deep inside her hoped she was.

Robin noticed the inner struggle which his words brought up in Regina and he reached his hands towards her, pulling her into his embrace. She let him, wrapped her own arms around his chest and rested her forehead against his shoulder.

"So…You are not leaving?" She dared to ask after few seconds.

"Do I look like I am?" Robin returned her question, Regina had come a long way already but she was still carrying a lot of insecurities inside of her.

Regina blinked "No?" It was supposed to be an answer but it sounded like a question. Robin turned his head and kissed her temple. "I told you I won't. And I am not." He pressed her closer to him to emphasise he meant what he said and Regina let out an exhale of relief.

He knew her secrets, he saw her darkest moments and after all of it he was there, right there with her and it felt so freaking amazing. "I love you." She said and loosened the grip just enough for her to turn her head and look into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I know." He said and kissed her. "And you know that I love you." He added when they broke the kiss and he brushed his nose against hers.

"Yes." She smiled. "I know." And she really did, with her whole heart and mind and soul she knew Robin loves her and accepts her with all her flaws, fears and insecurities. He knew her better than she knew herself, he knew her like no one else did and he loved her like no one else could. And she loved him back the same.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms for few more minutes, both drawing strength from the love of the other one when Robin kissed Regina's temple once more and then put a little distance between them.

"We've talked about lot of things today but there is still one more we should discuss." He said and saw a curious expression appear on Regina's face. "I am having a child with Zelena." Robin said simply.

"I am aware." Regina used her hands to gesticulate and tilted her head on the side just a little bit.

"I've put you into this strange situation but… You don't have to carry my load, Regina."

"Are you saying…" she was thinking, "that you don't want me involved in your child's life?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I would love if you would be, Regina. I just… I don't want _you_ to feel uncomfortable about that. We haven't speak about the future, about us or about Zelena. I don't know what to do with her, how to deal with the custody, I don't even know where I will live when the baby arrives."

Regina flinched at that statement, there it was again, the fear that Robin will leave her. "You live with me." She said quietly with a frown on her face.

Robin noticed the glimpse of fear flashing through Regina's eyes and the expression on his face turned into reassuringly soft smile. "Yeah, but we've never really agreed on that."

Well, that was true, Robin and Regina never talked about him and Roland moving in for real. After they came back from New York, they wanted to make sure Roland will be safe in case of Zelena's escape so they stayed at Regina's, the adults talking almost the whole night and then falling asleep in each other's arms. The same happened the following night, neither one of them willing to let go of the other one after the weeks of separation.

There wasn't exactly much time between being trapped in Isaac's book and their journey to Camelot to make any real living arrangements. In the castle Henry and Roland stayed in a chamber together while Regina and Robin shared a chamber of their own. They got used to live together, so it was somehow natural that they all stayed in the mansion after their return but Regina never told them to move in and Robin never asked if they could. They just did but there was still their tent with few of their things in the camp, they were still spending time in there during the day when Roland visited his uncles and they slept there few times, but most of their nights they spent in Regina's house, Roland sleeping in the big bed in guestroom, Robin next to the woman he so desperately loved.

"So what now?" She asked, she needed to know what Robin wanted to do, what he expected her to do.

"I don't want to push you into anything, I've hurt you with this messy situation and I have no right to ask anything from you. I don't want you to feel forced."

"Robin, you live with me, I love you and I _want_ you to live with me. I supposed you will bring the baby with you, not that you will leave." She sighed and dropped her gaze down for a second but then looked up into his eyes again and put her hand on his thigh. "You know that I love Roland as my own, don't you?"

Robin's eyes softened at her words, of course he knew, his boy had won over the heart of _His Majesty_ long before Robin himself and since the two of them were together Regina became a mom to his son, he could see it in every her touch and every her word for the little boy. There were thousands of reasons why he loved Regina but her love for his son was one of the very important ones. "Yeah, I know that." He said with a soft smile spreading across his features.

"Good." Regina said with a small nod, there was a pregnant pause between them but then Regina continued. "I am not saying there aren't any difficult feelings involved but it is your child we are talking about, Robin." She said and reached for his hand to take it into hers before she continued.

"I know it won't be easy but we said we will deal with this together and I want to do that. I…" she wetted her lover lip before she bite at it but she found the courage to be completely honest. "I might be little worried that every time I look at that child I'll see Zelena and what she did to us but I don't blame you for any of this and I certainly can't blame the baby." She sighed and brushed her thumb across Robin's hand.

"I want a chance, Robin. I want a chance to love this baby as I love Roland and Henry." She whispered and Robin could see tears threatening to fall from her eyes so he brought his palm to her face in soothing caress.

"I have no doubt you will." He kissed her forehead and hugged her close to his chest. Although this whole situation was hard for him, he already loved his child and he knew that regardless how hard it must be for Regina, she will love his child too because if there was one thing that was most extraordinary about Regina, it was her heart, not only the most resilient heart, no, it was the heart with unspeakable ability to love, love truly, deeply and in the way how no other heart could. So no, he didn't doubt for a second she will love that little human being.

He held her in his arms for a while before he asked, "You really want to do this?"

"I do if you let me." She nodded.

"Of course I let you." Robin looked at her face, "Thank you. You don't even know how much this means to me."

"You don't have to thank me." She said with a soft smile.

"I love you, Regina."

"And I you." She returned and kissed him. When their lips parted Robin leant his back on the sofa, bringing Regina with him as she rested her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that half-sitting half-lying wrapped in each other's arms for few minutes when Regina interrupted the silence.

"Maybe we could move Roland to the other room next to Henry's and make that room truly his. Then the nursery can be right opposite our bedroom."

A 'mhmm' was Robin's only response and despite Regina knew the main thing should be to set up the nursery she didn't feel it was her place to decide about that so she focused on the little boy's room instead. "I think Roland would like some motive with trees on his walls. And we should definitely put a proper desk in his room too, he will go to school soon so he will need that. Some darker shade of furniture would look nice, walnut or maybe cherry." She was thinking out loud and kind of rambling but Robin found it very sweet even he paid attention only partially, his mind wandering to some other thing.

"Regina?" He interrupted her thoughts about interior design. "Hm?" "Could you open the secret room for me?" He asked and she looked at him confused, question in her eyes but she waved her hand and the hidden door in the wall on the far end of the corridor cracked open and the dim light behind it came to life. "What are you going to do?" She asked and shifted her body next to him.

"You'll see soon." He answered with a look that told Regina he was up to something. "Can you just give me five minutes and wait here for me? I'll show you something, I just need you to wait until I call you." He said.

She opened her mouth in some kind of protest and curious questions were about to slip from her tongue but she swallowed them with Robin's "Please" and nodded. Giving him five minutes wouldn't hurt her. Robin kissed her temple, stood up with a "Thank you" grabbed his jacket that he took off after Regina poofed them there and disappeared behind the before-hidden door, which no one without magic could open from outside.

It was definitely a room fit for the Queen, Robin thought. The wallpapers screamed with magnificence, multiple crystal clear mirrors of different shapes and sizes reflecting the fairy lights hanging on the white factitious tree, hand carved furniture and the highest quality silky bed sheets which softens you could literally see.

Being in this room again brought back to Robin a very special memory of the time he shared here with Regina in the day that was _not one of those days._ And in the night, and the morning. With a smile on his face Robin opened one of the cupboards in the corner where he knew Regina kept some candles and for his pleasure, she had quite a supply in there. Finding a lighter was bit more difficult and Robin started to regret he didn't think about Regina not needing such a thing with her fireballs but just before he could give up and start looking for something he could use along the skills of the man living in the forest to make a little fire, he got lucky enough to find a lighter that had been there probably since the time when Storybrook was just part of the ordinary world without magic.

When he was lighting the candles and putting it all over the place he was thinking about what he was going to do. Robin had known for some time now that Regina is the woman who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and if it was only up to him he would have already propose. He was sure about his love to Regina but he wanted to give her more time to be sure too, they both needed to figure out all this mess that happened to be their life so Robin just kept carrying that certain little box around, waiting for the right moment.

And yes, this maybe wasn't the most perfect way how to ask her and he maybe wasn't entirely prepared to do it right there and then but after everything they had talk about today he felt that their relationship is stronger than ever and he just couldn't wait any longer.

Once the candles were all around the room, he took the little black velvet box out of the pocket of his jacket and shoved it into the pocket of his pants, hanging the jacket on the chair. Then he looked around and saw that Regina had here a vase of white roses, he took them out, gently pulled off the petals and sprinkled them on the top of the bed sheets. Not perfect, but it was the best what he could muster up in this improvisation. He checked on the most important thing one more time, opened the box to see the ring safe and sound resting there and returned it back into his pocket before he opened the door.

Regina looked at him curious from where she stood, he smiled and reached his hand towards her. She came to him, took his hand and followed him inside the secret room.

"What's happening?" She said slightly confused and surprised when she saw all the candles but he led her in the middle of the room and then turned to face her, slowly shaking his head. "Let me talk, please."

Her eyebrows went up as she waited for his words to come. He took also her other hand into his and smiled at her with a look, well there weren't really any words to describe it. His whole face just radiated with _so much love_ and every time he looked at her like that she didn't know what to say or what to do, her knees just became weak and her hear ached in her chest with her own love for this man.

"Regina," he said her name like the most precious prayer in the world, "not many people can say they met someone twice for the first time. We did, three times actually." he chuckled. "And every first time I met you I knew you were special. I've always seen you, no matter what mask you have been trying to wear and I am incredibly lucky that you let me know you, be with you and love you." Regina felt still a little confusion but her heart melted at his words and a warm smile spread across her face. He caressed her hand with his thumb and continued.

"You made my life so much brighter. When I look at you I feel like I found a piece of me I didn't even know I was looking for, you made me whole and you made me happier then I have ever been and any life you are not in, is the life I don't want to live. I love you Regina and I… " He tilted his head a little on the side, "Despite I wanted to do this differently," _Do what?_ Regina had no idea what he was talking about. "I wanted it to be perfect but I'm afraid I can't wait any longer." He brought their joined hands to his lips and put the slightest kiss on her knuckles, then he let go of her other hand. "Regina," he said her name again and got down on one knee in front of her.

Her free hand went instinctively to her mouth. _What is he doing? He is not about to… Is he?_ She watched him to pull little black velvet box out of his pocket. _Oh god, he is._ She thought, looking at him and her mind went blank.

"Will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?" He opened the velvet box and a ring sparkled in the light of all the candles around them. "Will you marry me, Regina?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out and she tried to hold her tears but that battle was already lost. Was she dreaming? Did he really proposed to her? Did he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her? He? The man she loved so much it physically hurt, her true love, her soulmate?

"I-" she finally managed to say, "Yes." She took the one step that was left between them, cupped his cheeks in her palms. "Yes, I will marry you." She said, leaning down and kissing him.

Regina's heart ached and she knew it was because it wasn't used to so much happiness as she felt right now. When they broke the kiss, Robin took the ring out of the box and slipped it on Regina's finger. It was a perfect fit. Then he stood up and took her into his embrace.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her feet suddenly left the floor as Robin lifted her up, spinning them around once before setting her back down. Then he kissed her softly again and Regina couldn't help herself but smiled against his lips, with a smile so wide the corners of her lips almost ached.

"Dou you like it? The ring?" He asked, his eyes all sparkly. Regina brought her left hand on his chest so she could look at the ring because honestly she hadn't pay much attention to it yet, too overwhelmed with all the amazing feelings that boiled in her. It was quite big, round diamond on a simple silver band with tiny black crystals on the sides of the diamond.

"It's amazing. All of this is." She looked again at the candles around them, "You are amazing." She whispered before kissing him.

"Well thank you but as much as I would love to keep all the merits to myself I must admit I did have a help with choosing the ring." Regina raised her eyebrows curiously on that so Robin explain with a smile "Henry thought you will like this one."

"Henry knew about this?" She asked surprised and now it was Robin's turn to rise his eyebrows. "Do you really think I would propose to you without asking for your son's blessing first?"

Regina didn't know how it was still possible but her smile grew even bigger at that words, knowing that Henry knew and that he agreed and actually helped Robin warmed her heart like nothing else could. They were family, her, Robin, Henry, Roland they were all family and that was all what she ever wanted. She kissed him deeply, with soft lips, nimble tongue and sharp teeth, pouring every ounce of the infinite love and radiating happiness she felt into him. And he was kissing her back all the same.

"Now," Robin breathed out when they finally parted both slightly out of breath and moved his mouth to Regina's ear, whispering seductively "I'd like to make love to my fiancé."

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading, please leave a review.**

 **All I'll say about next chapter… smuttiest smut!**


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